Question of the Day

[ayoub]

Do you blame yourself for things that aren't your responsibility, and if so, what kinds of things?

---

I've been working hard to NOT blame myself when it's something that is not in my realm of control...

Comments

[katamphigorical.livejournal.com]

But of course! 'Cause i was conditioned early on to believe that every damn thing is somehow my fault, even global warming. Especially global warming. I'm contributing to the carbon footprint, don't you know.

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

It's not!

[amante-donne.livejournal.com]

good question and I am not 100% sure of the answer. it's quite a large question.

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

It is a large question... :D

[spacedlaw.livejournal.com]

All the time (although I shan't take on responsibility for the weather) wondering if I could not have done something to help/avoid/improve etc.

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

I think I had to learn the hard way that I could not be everywhere at once...

[seegwa.livejournal.com]

Early parental conditioning kind of deeply ingrained the idea that, yes, I am the cause of all the woes and evils in *their* world, at least.

These days, I take care to know the difference between the consequences of my own actions (and taking personal responsibility for those) and not take on stuff that I had no control over... It's still a knee jerk reaction, though.

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

Ugh...

I'm glad you're taking care now...

[1jodie.livejournal.com]

that is very tough to do. i am guilty as charged... i tend to take on the weight of the world, so to speak. and i'm somewhat of a perfectionist. i have gotten a lot better over the years, and i have a lot to teach my staff about letting things go that are not within our control. but it's still an area that i am working on...

oh--and this is specifically related to my professional life. i don't think i blame myself for things that aren't my responsibility in my personal life.

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

I definitely do it more in my professional life too... But I'm working on that :D

[chiropteraclan.livejournal.com]

Oh man...good question. I used to be very bad about taking on others' responsibilities. Things that didn't even actually have anything to do with me. I have made *a lot* of growth away from this in the past 3 years.

The area I still have trouble with this is when things concern my daughter and things like how she performs in school/soccer/music/etc. When things don't go well, I still tend to feel like it is my fault as her parent/didn't give her enough opportunity/didn't practice with her enough/etc. until I make myself crazy with it. So I think this is the next area I really need to focus on. Letting her own her own stuff, learn from her own challenges.

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

I'm sure you'll find a way to achieve that :D

[sirenity.livejournal.com]

I was raised Catholic.

Culpa! Culpa! Culpa! It feels gooooood to blame yourself.

;)

Ok but seriously - as a parent, a partner to a man I love, and friend - it's difficult for me not to blame myself when people in my life aren't happy. I sometimes feel I could have done better to make them happy since I'm, you know, all powerful. ;) That's one that I constantly battle with but one that I'm working on. I have to remember to do my best in my relationships and after that? I'm not responsible for other people's 'happy.'

[mighty-rontor.livejournal.com]

That's one of the reasons why I excommunicated the Holy See.

[cmerun12.livejournal.com]

In a word? No.

[mighty-rontor.livejournal.com]

OMG! My nipples just got hard! I thought I was the only one! Of course, your answer was more eloquent than mine. Well done!

[milagro75.livejournal.com]

All the time...but can't think of specifics right now...

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

:(

[spritegirltn.livejournal.com]

me? blame myself for things??? All the freaking time!!! It is awful. I can even give you a recent example..
A former friend of mine started dating my cousin. I told him she wasn't the type of girl he should get attached too (and she is slutty, hey I'm honest). Guess who is pregnant? Yep, slutty former friend girl and guess who thinks he should marry her? oh yeah...and guess who blames herself??? I brought the girl around...

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

But... But... You couldn't have predicted that!

[kabandra.livejournal.com]

omg all the time! I blame myself for being "just human" too harshly. For instance right now I'm in the process of blaming myself and feeling bad about something did that was indeed my fault, but the essence of it was that I made a human mistake... it's hard to get over that when I skrew up.

sigh.

And I seriously don't even skrew up that often so I'm not that used to it.

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

*hugs you*

[donnickcottage.livejournal.com]

Yes. All problems within the solar system. It's very sad that I'm at fault for everything; but then again, I suppose that means I'm very very important. An irreplaceable dunderhead:)

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

You have the power!

[smwright.livejournal.com]

Of course, I do. The difficulty is that I know I'm not to blame for certain things and, yet, can not quite reckon what those are.

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

I hope you stop blaming yourself a little... :D

[photodiva02.livejournal.com]

As a child. I was always told things were MY FAULT. Trying to outgrow that is a struggle.

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

Yes... It is a struggle, but worth it!

[mighty-rontor.livejournal.com]

I have to say with the greatest of emphasis, FUCK NO. That is one of the pins in the lock that opens my happiness: letting the truly unimportant slide. I decided a long time ago that it would be stupid of me to blame myself for shit that's not my responsibility. That's like feeling sorry for some brat having a fucking temper tantrum because mommy won't get him the large popcorn. FUCK THAT BRAT and anyone who feels that I should have even the most remote soupçon of sympathy for some kid screaming when I'm trying to watch a movie. I will get the manager to kick him and the parents out and get a free movie pass for my troubles too. I've done it before and slept like a baby.

If someone drops the ball it's their fault. If I know that they're not going to toe the fucking line and it's going to affect my plans, then yeah, I'll toe it too; but if not, fuck it. I have my own life to lead.

Blaming myself for things that aren't my responsibility is just plain stupid and a point stress that I'll not have any truck with. FUCK THAT.

Of course, if it is my fault, then yeah, I'll own up to it and try to fix it if I can.

[cmerun12.livejournal.com]

I knew I liked you for a reason!

[fox-bard.livejournal.com]

I used to, incessantly. I got into the habit like most children in the egocentric years when everything revolved around me - but in an abusive household with an alcoholic father and a chronically depressed mother, I found myself an easy scapegoat in this self perpetuating role within a family that would rather blame everybody else and there brother for their woes instead of owning up to and correcting their own mistakes.

I've been working on it for years, and I'm quite pleased by my progress. I no longer hold myself responsible for the actions of others when I have no part to play in bringing those actions about. However, I still blame myself the most when people are upset around me, or when they take one of my normal duties to give me a helping hand and then have a deal of trouble with the task. Then I feel I was just a lazy shit and now someone else has to suffer on my account.

Note: Edited for doubling the word "the". I blame myself. Really! But this is how we not only correct the mistakes, but own up to them, too. I am SO not my family! Woohoo!

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

I think it was from your example and advice that I started climbing my way out of that pit...

[o-annie-o.livejournal.com]

I tend to do that, yes. I tend to do that with every thing what happens around me. Unfortunately.
I´m working hard on not to do it though.

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

It's hard work, yes, but so worth it :D

[uawildcatgrl.livejournal.com]

Sometimes...like I occasionally blame myself for my mother's death...(she had cancer..but I pushed the morphine)

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

*hugs you tight*

Sometimes... You have to love yourself enough to forgive yourself...

[nowsheshines.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah. Definitely. I think I am just conditioned that way. My ex's family used to blame me for anything that went wrong.. it got to the point where I said sorry for everything, constantly, even if I had nothing to do with it. I sometimes feel like I have to have control over everything and when I can't it drives me nuts.

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

*hugs you*

[bronxelf-ag001.livejournal.com]

No.

I spent my entire childhood like that. I divorced that when I divorced my parents.

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

It seems to be a theme that people spend their childhoods like that...

[innerly.livejournal.com]

i'm in the same place as you

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

:D

No.

[ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com]

And I get resentful if other people do. I have more than enough stuff that IS my responsibility. Everything else is Not My Problem.

Re: No.

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

:D

[atomb0mb.livejournal.com]

For my county's outrageous occupations, deceptions, etc. I know that I don't have direct control or responsibility over these events, but Iraqis used to ask me, "in your country you choose your leaders and you vote on laws. Why do you allow all of these things to happen?" We really don't freely choose anything, its just theatrics, but they were right, I do feel some responsibility for my country's actions.

[empatia.livejournal.com]

I dont always blame myself, I do however always feel it is my responsiblility to fix everything...that it what makes me so insane sometimes. I really have to make myself understand that some things just aren't mine to fix.

[eternalxwhisper.livejournal.com]

I don't blame myself for things that aren't within my control.

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

That's good... Life can be stressful enough!