I don't hear too many jokes - but the last one I can recall was told to me by my father:
A husband and wife were having financial problems and found themselves falling into debt. After pouring over their bills, they decided to budget their expenses to see where a few cuts could be made to save them some money.
"Well, honey, it seems you spend about $60 a month on beer," the wife pointed out. "If you stop drinking, then that would certainly help out with the bills." The husband insisted he needs the beer, but after some debate, he finally consented to give it up.
When the bills came in again the following month, the husband decides to sit down to go through them once again. He notices a $200 charge on the credit card statement for a makeup purchase. Thinking this charge is frivolous, he confronts his wife.
"What are you doing spending $200 on makeup?" he asks. "You don't need makeup!"
"But, honey," she says, "I do need the makeup. I want you to still find me beautiful and attractive."
The husband responds, "What the hell do you think the beer was for?!?"
Little Johnny lives on a farm and he gets up one saturday morning and asks his mom for some breakfast. His mom says "You have to do your chores first, so go milk the cows, feed and water the pigs, and feed the chickens, then you can have breakfast". Johnny protests and says "But I’m hungry now!!" After a few minutes of arguing, Johhny finally gives in. After feeding the cows, johnny looks around , then kicks one of the cows. After feeding and watering the pig, he looks around, and kicks one of the pigs. Then after feeding the chickens he kicks one of the chickens. He then runs back inside and says " Mom, I’m done, where’s my breakfast?!!!. His mom puts a bowl of dry cereal in front of him. Johnny says "where’s the milk and bacon and eggs?" Mom says "I saw you kick the cow so no milk, then I saw you kick the pig so no bacon, and then I saw you kick the chicken so no eggs". During their heated argument, Johnny’s dad comes down the stairs, trips over the cat, turns around and kicks the cat. At that moment, Johnny turns to his mom, and with a big smile, says "Do you want to tell him or should I?!!!
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baggyeyes
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(no subject)
Date: 2007-09-05 02:38 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-09-05 03:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-09-05 04:35 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-09-05 05:05 pm (UTC)A drum set and cymbals fall down a cliff!
Ba-dum-bum-chssssh!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-09-05 08:18 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-09-05 08:15 pm (UTC)A husband and wife were having financial problems and found themselves falling into debt. After pouring over their bills, they decided to budget their expenses to see where a few cuts could be made to save them some money.
"Well, honey, it seems you spend about $60 a month on beer," the wife pointed out. "If you stop drinking, then that would certainly help out with the bills." The husband insisted he needs the beer, but after some debate, he finally consented to give it up.
When the bills came in again the following month, the husband decides to sit down to go through them once again. He notices a $200 charge on the credit card statement for a makeup purchase. Thinking this charge is frivolous, he confronts his wife.
"What are you doing spending $200 on makeup?" he asks. "You don't need makeup!"
"But, honey," she says, "I do need the makeup. I want you to still find me beautiful and attractive."
The husband responds, "What the hell do you think the beer was for?!?"
(no subject)
Date: 2007-09-05 08:17 pm (UTC)Excellent!
(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-13 01:28 am (UTC)Johnny protests and says "But I’m hungry now!!" After a few minutes of arguing, Johhny finally gives in. After feeding the cows, johnny looks around , then kicks one of the cows. After feeding and watering the pig, he looks around, and kicks one of the pigs. Then after feeding the chickens he kicks one of the chickens.
He then runs back inside and says " Mom, I’m done, where’s my breakfast?!!!. His mom puts a bowl of dry cereal in front of him. Johnny says "where’s the milk and bacon and eggs?" Mom says "I saw you kick the cow so no milk, then I saw you kick the pig so no bacon, and then I saw you kick the chicken so no eggs". During their heated argument, Johnny’s dad comes down the stairs, trips over the cat, turns around and kicks the cat. At that moment, Johnny turns to his mom, and with a big smile, says "Do you want to tell him or should I?!!!
(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-13 11:41 am (UTC)