Day 14

[ayoub]

evoLution Part Ten

She's so interesting
intriguing
I know she wants me
I can feel it
But I'm yours

Temptations are everywhere
but we're still together
because I have committed
just as you have
But it feels good

I will not stray
never leave you
even though you may never know
who she is
I'll be true

Temptation cannot win
for your smile still bewitches
your eyes see my soul
the world can burn
I have you

It seems like a lot of people are feeling down, these days, a miasma has settled on the world, and I for one, feel that we all need to remember one thing...

Sing it with me!

What would you do
if I sang out of tune
would you stand up
and walk out on me?

Comments

[inmyocean.livejournal.com]

This piece is definitely very "male" in its message. I liked it and disliked it for that reason.

Temptations are everywhere
but we're still together
because I have committed
just as you have
But it feels good

and

even though you may never know
who she is
I'll be true

Deceit is deceit. It almost feels like your main character feels he has to stay because he made the commitment and not because he truly wants to be there, the way you worded those passages. I guess I'm anti-men tonight. Sorry.

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

LOL!

No need for sorry, but I do think that the essence of what I meant has been a little lost...

I was trying to convey that love can overpower fleeting temptations... and, being a guy, I can only really write from a guy's perspective :)

Sorry you're anti-men hon...

[burtlo.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure temptation is exactly a male story, perhaps just not your story.

This story tells me that the character still loves this person and wants to be with them. I don't feel that referencing the commitment makes it sound like the reason for staying.

[inmyocean.livejournal.com]

Each their own interpretation, I suppose.

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

Poetry is very subjective, and it's very good to hear what others see in what I write...