First off, I was kidding around.That am I fat thing is a cliche as old as the hills. Second, who are you to tell me what I should think, what questions I should ask or what kind of a response I should desire?
I was merely pointing out the ridiculousness of the question. Its loaded, unfair - and a question that no one should ask unless they are prepared for the answer.
Oh, you don't mean to sound rude, you merely wanted to point out the ridiculousness of the question I wrote in my comment? Hmmmmmmm......
Well, luckily for me I am a thin, attractive woman with a full length mirror, so I don't have to ask that kind of question to others. Not everyone is that lucky. While I agree the question may be loaded, it is not unfair and most women who ask that kind of question are not doing so so that they can be told the cold, hard, truth, nor should they have to brace themselves for the answer they receive. In most cases someone who is asking a question like that is feeling insecure and self conscious and is seeking reassurance and validation, which can be very difficult to ask for directly. Anyone with even a minuscule amount of compassion and empathy can see a question like that for what it is and give an answer that will be helpful to the inquirer's self esteem. It is not a ridiculous question, nor is it the kind of question which requires brutal honesty. If an overweight friend asks me if an outfit makes her look fat, I don't say, well yes, you look fat in everything. I say, that is a lovely fabric and the color brings out your eyes or whatever positive thing I can say. (unless the outfit is truly unflattering and she has another choice of what to wear, in which case I would say I like the other one better.)
I hope you don't mind my jumping in, but even with that question I want honesty. But, because most women ask it looking for a boost of their self-esteem and since most people asked it answer it thinking that is what the woman wants, that's why I don't ask it. I'm a fat attractive woman with a full length mirror, so, yes, no matter what I wear I'm going to "look" fat -- however, there are certain fabrics or cuts of clothes that aren't very flattering, so, maybe it is a surprise, but if I "look" fat in something, I want to be told so I can find something else to wear that will allow me to continue being the fat attractive woman that I am.
I was pointing out the ridiculousness of the question, not of you for posing it. There is a difference.
But I still stick to my original point, which is that the only correct answer to that question is not ask it in the first place. Unless of course, you want the truth.
Otherwise, its manipulative and a good reason for men to gripe.
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(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-29 04:11 pm (UTC)Second, who are you to tell me what I should think, what questions I should ask or what kind of a response I should desire?
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-29 05:21 pm (UTC)I was merely pointing out the ridiculousness of the question. Its loaded, unfair - and a question that no one should ask unless they are prepared for the answer.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-29 06:41 pm (UTC)Hmmmmmmm......
Well, luckily for me I am a thin, attractive woman with a full length mirror, so I don't have to ask that kind of question to others.
Not everyone is that lucky. While I agree the question may be loaded, it is not unfair and most women who ask that kind of question are not doing so so that they can be told the cold, hard, truth, nor should they have to brace themselves for the answer they receive.
In most cases someone who is asking a question like that is feeling insecure and self conscious and is seeking reassurance and validation, which can be very difficult to ask for directly.
Anyone with even a minuscule amount of compassion and empathy can see a question like that for what it is and give an answer that will be helpful to the inquirer's self esteem.
It is not a ridiculous question, nor is it the kind of question which requires brutal honesty.
If an overweight friend asks me if an outfit makes her look fat, I don't say, well yes, you look fat in everything. I say, that is a lovely fabric and the color brings out your eyes or whatever positive thing I can say. (unless the outfit is truly unflattering and she has another choice of what to wear, in which case I would say I like the other one better.)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-29 07:01 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-30 01:17 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-29 10:03 pm (UTC)But I still stick to my original point, which is that the only correct answer to that question is not ask it in the first place. Unless of course, you want the truth.
Otherwise, its manipulative and a good reason for men to gripe.