I've had my share of fun between the sheets, but before N, I had not known love requited from anyone other than family. I know that I'm a good person because I've heard it - from accidental over-hearings to people telling me directly; yet somehow, I never had anyone fall in love with me.
I began to feel that there was something wrong with me. I started resenting couples and the whole concept of companionship at that level. I read something that I wrote in frustration just prior to getting together with N. It was ugly. I think that I might have been going mad in a very real but scarily subtle way.
I think that I've become more whole now for having loved. It may be the exception to the rule that ignorance is bliss. Not having loved is a very special and terribly awful kind of hell on earth.
So far, we are living happily ever after! She should be moving in between now and the end of Spring. We were at Target (it's a department store here) looking at how we're going to deck the bedroom out. Sometimes it's a bit like that episode of Coupling where Patrick is trying to choose patterns, but mostly I can deal very well with it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-24 07:39 pm (UTC)I've had my share of fun between the sheets, but before N, I had not known love requited from anyone other than family. I know that I'm a good person because I've heard it - from accidental over-hearings to people telling me directly; yet somehow, I never had anyone fall in love with me.
I began to feel that there was something wrong with me. I started resenting couples and the whole concept of companionship at that level. I read something that I wrote in frustration just prior to getting together with N. It was ugly. I think that I might have been going mad in a very real but scarily subtle way.
I think that I've become more whole now for having loved. It may be the exception to the rule that ignorance is bliss. Not having loved is a very special and terribly awful kind of hell on earth.
Funny how personal that question is to me.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-24 07:44 pm (UTC)Didn't mean to open old wounds, my friend...
(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-24 07:57 pm (UTC)No, it's all cool. I survived it well. If I was still going through this self-styled madness, my answer wouldn't have been such a rant. =)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-24 08:11 pm (UTC)So what happened with N?
PSST...
Date: 2006-01-24 08:17 pm (UTC)Re: PSST...
Date: 2006-01-24 08:20 pm (UTC)Gotcha...
Re: PSST...
Date: 2006-01-25 12:28 pm (UTC)Re: PSST...
Date: 2006-01-25 12:31 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-25 12:27 pm (UTC)Coupling rules. I haven't seen season 4 yet.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-25 12:31 pm (UTC)